I need to sew something.
This has been an emotional roller coaster of a week.
I took
on more responsibilities in my professional society.
I ran a successful
workshop.
I canceled a presentation at the last minute because I was too
emotionally exhausted to get the work done.
I got a couple of reasonable
nights’ sleep instead of finding the will to work on my presentation.
I missed
out on opportunities to spend fun times with my friends and colleagues.
After
pulling myself together post-presentation-cancellation, my wheels started turning
and I had some inspiring ideas about my research, something that hasn’t
happened recently.
An end-of-the-conference party and a canceled flight led to
several days of sleep deprivation.
A canceled flight led to an evening of
hilarious jokes and strange experiences with a new friend.
A friend rented a
car and took me to beautiful Lake Tahoe for a couple of hours before we had to
go to the airport.
I found out that my
ex is moving to a new state, a new job; moving on to a new life without me.
Nine months after the breakup, this kind of information still wrecks me. I am
so angry that he stopped loving me and at how he handled certain things, and I
am so so sad that I can’t have him in my life anymore. I let a significant loss
in my life completely shatter my self-confidence and screw up my brain
chemistry. I need to love and be loved and that means looking for someone else,
and that means letting go, and that is terrifying. I can’t sleep or stop crying
through my last flight of this trip, I have a three hour drive ahead of me,
and
I am so ready to be home.
And I really need to sew something. Something pretty, that
will make me feel good and talented and special.
