Tuesday, July 21, 2015


I need to sew something.

This has been an emotional roller coaster of a week. 

I took on more responsibilities in my professional society. 

I ran a successful workshop.

I canceled a presentation at the last minute because I was too emotionally exhausted to get the work done. 

I got a couple of reasonable nights’ sleep instead of finding the will to work on my presentation. 

I missed out on opportunities to spend fun times with my friends and colleagues. 

After pulling myself together post-presentation-cancellation, my wheels started turning and I had some inspiring ideas about my research, something that hasn’t happened recently. 

An end-of-the-conference party and a canceled flight led to several days of sleep deprivation. 

A canceled flight led to an evening of hilarious jokes and strange experiences with a new friend. 

A friend rented a car and took me to beautiful Lake Tahoe for a couple of hours before we had to go to the airport.   

I found out that my ex is moving to a new state, a new job; moving on to a new life without me. Nine months after the breakup, this kind of information still wrecks me. I am so angry that he stopped loving me and at how he handled certain things, and I am so so sad that I can’t have him in my life anymore. I let a significant loss in my life completely shatter my self-confidence and screw up my brain chemistry. I need to love and be loved and that means looking for someone else, and that means letting go, and that is terrifying. I can’t sleep or stop crying through my last flight of this trip, I have a three hour drive ahead of me, 

and I am so ready to be home.

And I really need to sew something. Something pretty, that will make me feel good and talented and special.

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